If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
