I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
