i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
