I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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