So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
