tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
