People in love make me want to vomit
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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