so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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