I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
