so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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