Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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