So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
