yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
