I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
