i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
