You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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