I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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