yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
the raccoons are back...
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