Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
