I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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