if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
