I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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