im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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