U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
