a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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