Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
