So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
