is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
love makes seman taste better
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize