We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
...so i touched it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
