it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
