Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
