You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
