dude i'm inner monologue high
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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