i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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