I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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