Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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