You really coming over, don't trick.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
