Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
