bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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