they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize