you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
