Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
