if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
