Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How does one acquire holy water?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize