we made out on top of his cat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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