I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize