great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
