took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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