Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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