You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The uberlube is also flammable
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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