today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize