No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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