I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
