I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
