Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
