I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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