Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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