Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
