thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
