This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
