do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
