Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
