Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
