Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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