so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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