So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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