Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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