I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i out mim tonsoeep
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